Pope Asks Women For Help To Avoid Another Thirty Years War

Pope Asks Women For Help To Avoid Another Thirty Years War

[The saga of our indecisive pope continues, as Pope Francis wrestles with whether he should implement instructions he received directly from God regarding women.]

Dear women – 

I am writing to you today to ask for your help as I work my way through a very strange and unprecedented situation. As you know, I have become quite the waffler, which is rather embarrassing. My words are by definition infallible, are they not? I make pronouncements, everybody believes them.That's what they told me when I took the job.

But it  turns out that even though I am the pope, I am sadly quite fallible. 

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Pope Retracts Apology To Women

Pope Retracts Apology To Women

[Sometimes progress doesn't always last. His Holiness Pope Francis has issued another letter to women, and sadly, he's retracting the apology he wrote earlier.

Dear women -

As you know, I had a visitation from God, and He told me he wanted me to apologize to you and ask forgiveness. Which I did, right away, on my Facebook page, because I was so excited. Also because He gave me a very short deadline and wanted me to get started pronto. 

But now I am wondering. What if it was all in my mind? What if God didn’t talk to me at all? What if I imagined the whole episode?

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Pope Francis Apologizes to Women, Asks Forgiveness

Pope Francis Apologizes to Women, Asks Forgiveness

(The following is a letter of apology to all women, from His Holiness Pope Francis.)

Dear women –

It’s so funny, isn’t it? How you go through life, and at a certain point you think you have things pretty much figured out, but then – big surprise – you don’t? I am 81 years old, and I thought the rest of my life would be showing up and doing the pope job. Following the daily agenda. An easy slide from here to the end.

So imagine my surprise when I was on Facebook yesterday, watching the CEO of Starbucks apologizing to the two African American men who were arrested in one of his stores, basically for being black. I was thinking, wow, this is a great apology, and suddenly I heard a voice that said, “Francis, pay attention to this because you too have some apologizing to do.”

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